Friday, January 10, 2014

Parenting: Money vs. Quality time

In a world where babies are being conceived during “breaks” and on going committed relationships, I can only see this as becoming an acceptable norm (if it hasn’t already reached that point). And while the infidelity is something that folks have a problem with, my concern lays with the child who has to deal with the outcome of the decisions made by their parents. In the cases where the fathers involved are celebs, you see them getting back with the partner they took a "break" from and throwing large child support payments to the other woman. We don’t know what happens behind the scenes but can it be assumed that just like on the non-celeb level, those new mothers are blessed with a monthly allowance to aid in the care of their child, but receive nothing more? For those mothers who are fine with that by default, more power to them. But what about those who want more for their child(ren)?

Being raised by a single father, I know what it’s like to miss that other link you need growing up. In my case I missed out on that maternal bonding, but for most it’s said the paternal bonds make more of a difference with a child. With that said, in these situations where quality time isn’t given to the children, whose job is it to make it happen? Who is at fault for it not happening? As the mother and primary caregiver of the child, should she be the one to force him to be an active father? Will putting a gun to his head make the situation better and more genuine?  Or is the parental effort strictly the father’s responsibility?

A couple weeks ago I read an article by Chad about how he plans to teach his daughter about men and love. And it made me wonder about how important it is that children have these examples shown to them on a daily basis. There is only so much I can show my daughter with how men should treat her. Given I don’t bring men around her (especially in a romantic manner), I honestly don’t have a way to show her. On the other hand, her interactions with her dad can be of great help if they were more frequent. Which ties back into the topic of paternal quality time with children. Child support payments can’t provide children with the quality time they need, and weekend visits a couple times out the month aren’t going to have much affect either.

What are your thoughts on the matter? For the parents out there, what are some things you do to make sure your child(ren) get that quality time?

The piece above is crossposted from her site. Feel free to interact with her on twitter at @tiarahdenise.

1 comment:

  1. I agree wholeheartedly!! Weekend visits and a child support check can never make up or should be substituted for being involved in that child's life! Whew! You said a mouthful and as for me I'm starting mommy/son dates for me and my son. I'm intentionally setting aside time to go out and have fun with him. I'm a mother first so his well-being is the most important thing to me!