Friday, December 25, 2009

Ask Kayki!

*Im in love w/my best friend!*
Here is today's letter.
Dear KayKi,
I need your help, here's my story:

I'm in love with my bestFriend. And I don't know that he knows I am. I'm too scared to tell him how I feel because I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same way about me & I end up hurt. I know he loves me but I doubt he loves me like I love him. And I'm not even in love with him for what he has or how he looks, but he stimulates my mind in a way that no man could ever come close to. He sees the God in Me. I see the God in him. He loves me beyond my flaws & faults. He accepts me. His heart is soo pure. Everytime I talk to him I'm inspired all over again.

And what makes it all so genuine is the fact that he's just my friend. He's not trying to get with me. He doesn't force himself on me. He's not rude to me. He doesn't have to impress me with what he has. I can be completely comfortable with him as he is with me.

And I don't know how to tell him how my love for him goes deeper than the deep. Lol! I don't want to create a space for akwardness & possibly ruin our friendship.

Sooooo what do I do??

Whew! BabyKayKs this hits home!!! First, call me an optimist, but I think true friendship can last through mostly anything. Friends are willing to at least go to extreme depths to TRY to understand where each other are coming from. A true friend also knows the heart of their friends. They know what their friend's intentions are...this is why a situation that might tear a part an association between two people will only be a bump in the road for a true friendship.

So, first off sweetie, this puts you in a very very odd situation and trust me I know! Sometimes when you have a friend of another sex you get rather comfortable with them and the comfort and ease of being around them alone can spark certain emotional responses. I must say that I have been here before, and as wierd as it may sound, my friendship with that person is still in tact and I think we're stronger, more honest, and know each other a lot better for it.

Secondly, Id say you have to get together, face to face. Agree on a mutual place not your home or his, some place else where you can talk alone. You need to express to him how you feel. Period. You owe this not only to yourself, but to your friendship. I know in my situation, my friend and I have always been extremely affectionate with each other. I would hug him, lay on him randomly with no other intentions, just because he was my friend and we were close. I didnt know all along that he had other feelings for me, which was directly unfair on my part and indirectly on his.

My point is... my normal "friendly" behavior unbeknownst to me was making him feel some kinda way. Him not telling me how he really felt only allowed me to continue to do it and for him to continue to think maybe I shared his feelings. So most importantly he has to know! Next you have to be prepared for him to say, I love you, but not like that. As his friend, you owe him your friendship... and he owes you the same.. nothing more or less. So prepare yourself for him to say he doesnt feel the same and know where that will leave your relationship.

Since you all are friends all of the wonderful things he does/says might just be him acting out of friendship, but because you feel so deeply you're misinterpreting these things to mean something else. So since this might be the case, prepare yourself for the truth- which may not be what you want to hear. A lot of the load will be on him, and what type of person he is. Depending on how much he values your friendship, and how strong he is in it....he can respond a number of ways. You have to be SO sensitive to how this will make him feel.

This may be a huge shock to him, or he could be waiting on you to say something. Either way you have to be strong enough to face the truth for the sake of your heart. Loving someone romantically is far too beautiful a thing to not pursue, but I cant stress enough how important it is for you to be PREPARED for his rejection. If he does feel the same way thats GREAT! You should consider in what way you want to move forward! You seem to have put a lot of thought into this..I can tell by the tone of your email :)

This is longer than I expected but over all Kayki's advice is to be honest with your friend, and be respectful of his decision. If he doesnt feel the same way dont try to force it on him or get mad or start acting funny. From what you say "He sees the God in you" he might just share these feelings. Whatever you do remember to be respectful of how he feels and make sure you tell him!

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