Tuesday, November 3, 2009

..So you're in a RELATIONSHIP?..

While on twitter today I was approached by one of my many "little sisters" in search of my opinion regarding a relationship situation she has found herself in. Now, if you know me well, you know that I do not claim to be in any way a relationship expert. That part of my life  has been in shambles for the past 5 years and is just in recent months becoming something I am at peace about.

When I started this blog I said I would talk about whatever I wanted -excluding the love of my life, and I wont go into details about him, but my lil sisters question automatically sent my mind back to him (as if thats hard to do right? LOL) Her concern was that she's been with someone who is unwilling to do something very small and very much in his power to do for her, yet he wants her to do as he requests. Her question was more so, if she was wrong for feeling like, if it was something he really wanted, he'd put forth the effort in giving her some reciprocity.

My answer to her was that she was absolutely right in feeling that if he really wanted things to work, he would put forth the effort on his end to make it happen. The truth will always come out when its time to put in work for something. She stated that maybe she was too "hard on" and I told her I've felt that way as well, but its not the case. Women have lowered their standards, and men are just not used to fighting (courting) a woman anymore. There is a sense of value placed on me that you just are going to have to show you understand. Luke 12:34 says that where your heart is, there will your treasure be also. You cant say that you want to be with me, but you are not willing to give of your time, energy, and yes money. The sad part is most women dont think like this, and it leaves women like myself labled as hard to get or stuck up.

Now what makes a relationship work can be different from relationship to relationship, and of course there are exceptions to what Im about to say, but I feel its worth stating anyway. Any good relationship that is going to last relies largely on a word most run from- compromise. In the short span of 7 months that I was blessed to actually be in a relationship with the man I spoke of earlier- I was AMAZED at how he did things just to make me happy. There were no hidden agendas or he wasnt trying to get me in bed, he just wanted to put a smile on my face. His sacrifices for me were financial and more importantly to me- they took time, energy, and thought. Though we are no longer together, I look to that relationship as a standard for what real compromise is about.

Talk is cheap and your time and energy are priceless. Dont stoop in thinking that there is an equal exchange there. Baby I love you does not = time. Baby you're the greatest you look so nice today should = sex. Ummm...people, make them DO something. Even if its WAITING..allow yourself some value in a relationship, it is what one does that counts- I can tell you whatever I want you to hear, if my mouth works properly. Let someone show you that they are willing to be in the relationship..have that connection with you, and then dont be fooled. Ladies especially, dont fall for the okey doke. He might spend a billion dollars on you if he's a billionaire -just to get in your bed. That might not be a sacrifice, it might be low key prostitution. When someone is not willing to do for you in a relationship but they expect everything in return from you- its time to check their motives.

Im speaking in lamens terms. If they arent willing to do the small stuff to make the relationship work- you have a problem. My ex used to buy me: my fave candy, flowers, make little wishes come true...those things cost little, but I was absolutely flattered. Flattered by the idea that he must think the world of me to do things out of the blue to ENCOURAGE my happiness in the relationship. My lil sis's guy was not willing to do the same and on top of his unwillingness to make it work- he has requests that she must fulfill. How does that work? It doesnt. A relationship without compromise, reciprocity, and sacrifice is sure to fail. That is unless one person in the relationship has no self worth, and in that case the relationship might continue in a rather unhealthy path.

There are many things that can be said about this subject, but Im trying to keep my blogs shorter, lol so Im going to end this. Before I do, I just want to remind everyone to not be fooled by what someone says...they can better show you how they feel by their actions. TNT Babykayks

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